re: sorority rushing

I disagree...it is looks.

Everyone is of course entitled to have their own opinion regarding the process, and right now (a time in which tensions are highest) this is a very understandable and popular reaction. However, please consider the potential disservice you are doing the girls who are offered membership come bid day. It is just as unfair to insinuate a girl only got into her sisterhood because she is pretty as it is to say the only reason a girl got cut is because she isn't. There is a reason sororities request "recs" (basically a girl's resume) previous to recruitment. Houses care a great deal about the quality of woman they are rushing and what they can contribute to their chapter in regards to leadership, sisterhood, and teamwork. Right now it's easy to criticize the process and write it off as being all based on looks, but UF's many upstanding sisters deserve a great deal more credit than that.

Understandable...I believe many of the girls being cut early on had a rec. I know my daughter had recs to nearly every house as she spent a great deal of time seeking those recommendations. She is pretty (but not model looks), has a great resume (as do many girls), converses easily with others and was cut by almost all of the houses after round 1. She was a legacy at 2 houses (mom and grandmother). Neither of the legacy houses gave her any additional consideration (I know that does not always happen). I know you are trying hard to defend the sisters but it really seems like looks plays a MAJOR part in this process. She was cut by everyone in the end.

You are so right. The sororities can tell us it is all about involvement, etc. but there is no way that they can decide who will be best asset to chapter in 5-10 minutes. Looks and looks only.

Hi Not Sure! This is definitely a reasonable thing to be confused about! First, the number of girls going through recruitment does not affect the "severity of cuts" contrary to rumor. Each chapter is assigned a proportion of PNMs they may invite, so in a year with 1000 PNMs, a chapter may need to release 500 and invite 500, and in a year with 1700, they need to release 850 and invite 850. The final new member class size ("quota") goes up or down based on how many women stick it out til the end (essentially the number of women divided by 16). So don't let the number of women rushing influence your daughter's choice, because invitation numbers are a proportion, not a hard cap.

On the issue w Rd 1, the unfortunate reality is that if a sorority has 200 women and each knows 2-3 PNMs going through recruitment, plus about 100 legacies, that could be their entire allotment of Rd 1 invites there, so those factors are no guarantee. Many chapters have to release women they truly do like a lot!

I suggest she stick it out through prefs. At the end of the day, we each only get one bid and find one home, so if a house still is inviting her she should give them a chance to win her over! She should allow herself to briefly be sad about the cuts of course, but then focus on the houses that are offering her an opportunity for sisterhood.

Your daughter is getting her 4 "unwanted" houses because other houses did not really want her. So as they cut her the houses your daughter lists on the bottom come back up. On Tuesday she will find out if any houses want her back from pref. If so, she will go to those houses. She needs to be open minded about all of the 7 houses. On Tuesday if she has any houses to go back to she will put her top three in order. If she matches she will get a bid.

PNMs are never technically "cutting" any chapters. They are merely ranking them. If she is getting scheduled to parties with chapters that were at the bottom of her rankings it is because chapters at the top of her list released her.

And just to keep in mind, those chapters she may not want right now may be her only options at the end. The chapter I joined was one I did not love until closer to Round 3. After round one, they were one of my least favorites because they girl I met there didn't click with me. I put them at the bottom of my list. Nonetheless, I was released from a few of my "top choices" and so I wound up having to go back. I'm glad I did, as meeting more women there opened my eyes and by pref night I was in love. The chapters that keep inviting your daughter back are under no obligation to do so, and obviously see her as a potentially good fit. She should be honored by their invitation.

Sorority girl, thank you for the info. I did not use the term "unwanted". My daughter made no connection at certain houses whether it was an awkward interview, the individual conducting the interview, etc... This process has been unpleasant and miserable at best. My only concern is my daughter's happiness and that is for her to determine. I am here to support her regardless.

Very well put. We live in an age where many people think everyone should get a trophy so feelings are not hurt. This does not prepare our children for what lies ahead. Life is full of disappointments. We need to embrace them and grow from them. Look to what is ahead, and not dwell on what now is in the past....

Mom's, I might agree with you if all factors were equal in the rushing process. I am fully aware that my daughter will have hardships and disappointments ahead in her life when she emerges into the working world. At least there, she'll be able to compete based on her resume, credentials, etc... My issue is that if your daughter isn't a "10" she never had a chance in the rushing process and especially with the "top tier" sororities. I know this to be true because I see the girls that are being selected around her. I never expected anything to be handed to my daughter but I also didn't expect her to be rejected because she doesn't fit the model mode. She'll get over it in time but I wouldn't wish this on anyone. What a way for her to start her college experience!

I really don't understand what you want here. The sororities have limited spots, there's tough competition. You keep saying your daughter got cut because she wasn't a "10" as if that was the only deciding factor. Trust me, there are many non-"10"s in the "top" sororities. And even if the sorority's only deciding factor was looks, than why are you so upset? wouldn't you rather your daughter not be in such a shallow group of friends? Basically, you know your daughter better than anyone else, and she may be as wonderful as you say here, but ultimately that didn't come through in the rush process and so she was cut. C'est la vie. There are plenty of great on-campus organizations at UF, your daughter will have the time of her life. Go gators.

I agree with you that I don't want my daughter in such a shallow environment. I never wanted her to rush to begin with. But now I am the one dealing with my daughter who is devastated. She's a smart girl who can rationalize all of this in her head but not yet in her heart. I know in time things will be fine but it's the NOW that concerns me. All of her friends got into different sororities but her so everyday will be a constant reminder. If you know a quick fix to helping her move forward, I welcome it.

Why doesn't she go out for Gamma Phi Beta? They are colonizing and it would be very special to be a founder.