Day in the Life of a Sig Chi

6am-wake up in wet bed at the Sig Chi mansion
6:05am-start brewing coffee
6:15am-watch sunrise, sip coffee
6:30am-put on perfectly tailored suit ($10,000)
6:45am-decide which Rolex to wear
7am-drive to class in Bentley
7:15am-walk into class 15 minutes late, professor stops lecture to call me handsome
8:30am-pay professor for an A
10am-discuss the sociopolitical state of the greek community with fellow handsome Sig Chis
10:30am-tell IFC how we’ll better other chapters
11am-stand in on the Board of Directors meeting for daddy’s fortune five hundred company
12pm-return to the Sig Chi mansion
1pm-admire my greek god figure in the mirror
3pm-send pledges to a mid sorority’s philanthropy to call them mid
4pm-take four shots of Old Rip Van Winkle 25 year old Bourbon ($50k)
7pm-lose this weeks allowance on sports betting
8pm-enjoy a few drinks responsibly with the attractive sig chi gentlemen as though we are knights of the round table (all muscular, shirtless, and wearing ties)
9pm-receive an angry text from Daddy mad i lost $15k on sports betting hours prior
10pm-leave 12 different “wyd” texts on read from the most attractive female students UCF has to offer (they’re mid)
11pm-after a long day of hard work rest my head knowing I deserve the best sleep possible
3am-piss my bed
4am-Mommy sends family butler, Sir Geoffrey Hemmington III, to replace my sheets