How To Handle A Hangover

For Those Who Didn't Quite Make It Through Dry January
 For Those Who Didn't Quite Make It Through Dry January

Based on our last post, we thought it fitting to address a need for those who weren't able to finish Dry January. 

If you’re one of the lucky ones, a hangover means nothing to you. Somehow, you’ve been doing something(s) right, which have allowed your body to roll out of bed just before a 6am alarm to make it to a 7 o’clock class with not-so-glassy eyes, and barely-parched skin. Perhaps you’ve never drank water from a hot water bottle where BPA leached, or maybe it’s your twice-daily matcha green teas.

Whatever it is that makes you resilient to the hangover, you goddess, we’re jealous.

For the rest of us, if we’ve mixed liquors, beer and champagne, or if we’ve simply drank too much, our next day might as well go out the window. At least the morning will. And then will scramble through the rest of the day, barely clinging onto our sanity and general lack of physical wellbeing.

For the rest of us, we need help.

Here’s how to handle a hangover.

Your wise self bought blackout curtains on Amazon this fall, so close the curtains so it’s pitch black. Pop an Advil, and grab that towel you’ve thrown into the freezer with great forethought, and throw it over your forehead. Proceed to lay there until the towel goes warm and you’ve fallen back asleep.

When you wake, it’s time for the juice. You know what we’re talking about. Grab that jar of pickles from the refrigerator and suck down the liquid they’re bathed in. Pickle juice shots originated here, my friends, before someone decided to include at the start of this journey and mix it with vodka. There is some validity to the method: the vinegar in pickle juice is a great digestant due to its antioxidants and potassium, and also helps relieve cramps and dizziness. Call it a cure-all.

Finally ready to eat? Good, now drink more water. After you’ve drank enough water to feel uncomfortable, reconsider if you’re ready for food. Then, make your way to Bojangles for at least three biscuit and egg sandwiches. Don’t forget your sunglasses.

Once the grease of six-pack of biscuit sandwiches properly coats your stomach, you’re ready to caffeinate. Take your coffee black, and limit the amount you drink. You really only need enough to get you through to 6pm, when you’ll promptly go to bed so you can start the next day fresh, rejuvenated, well-rested and ready to quit alcohol forever.

But before 6pm, amp up the supplements. Whatever’s in your yoga teacher girlfriend’s cabinet will work fine. Ashwagandha, Vitamin C, a multi-vitamin, avocado tea. The placebo effect will replace any real benefits.

At the end of your line? Try a Coca-Cola. Dunno, we heard the fizz works.

And if it doesn’t, have a bloody mary. Hair of the dog, or the beginning of your next night.



Didn't find your school?Request for your school to be featured on GreekRank.