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re: sorority rushing

by: Concerned parent

As a parent with a daughter who wants to participate in Fall Rush, I find myself in disbelief to what I read and what I see. 1st - I sit and wonder how a Sorority can possibly judge 1700 girls based on a 5-10 minute superficial conversation?

2nd - Is my daughter being judged only by her looks and what she is wearing at the time? How does a Sorority truly know if she would be a good fit or not based upon 2 or 3 conversations?

3rd - I sit and read all the reviews and can't belief how Sororities are being reviewed and tiers determines more by the attractiveness of the latest Pledge class vs. community service - things that truly matter. Since when does rushing become a Miss USA contest?

4th - I sit and read the reviews as one Sorority bashes another. I thought this was College and not High School?

My daughter is beautiful on the inside and out and I truly do not want this for her. I will support her only because it is what she wants.

For the record, I am not the only parent extremely disillusioned by the entire UF Sorority Rushing process.

Posted By: Concerned parent
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Page 5 of 9
#41  by: Twocents   
#41    

Hi Moms!
From a chapter woman's perspective, I think you shouldn't judge all of UF Panhellenic based on this website. Most of the "reviewers" on here are from one of the top five houses, and yes, those houses are renowned for being superficial. But the rest of us are actually genuine and loving sisterhoods who truly to want to get to know your daughters for who they are. Round 1 interviews are short, but by the time we pref your daughters we get to spend 40 minutes with them one-on-one. I hope your daughters have found their homes amongst sisters who adore them for who they are and who believe that they have the qualities necessary to elevate their chapter. If not, I hope that they (and you) don't judge the entire system based on the nastiness of the "top tier" snobs. Also - you're not being helicopter moms, you're being great mothers. My mom called me in a panic about this webpage when I went through recruitment years ago. I'm glad for her advice and her caring, not just through recruitment but throughout college. She pushed me to accept a bid from a mid-level house rather than to fall in with a "top tier", and as usual, mom was right!

By: Twocents
#42  by: Annoyed UF Alumna   
#42    

Hi everyone, I am a fairly recent UF alumna and just needed to put my 2 cents in. During my time at UF, I was a member of the Panhellenic Council (the group of women responsible for holding formal recruitment each year). It saddens me that so many of you are carrying such frustration and anger about a process that truly intends to place women in their "home away from home," but UF is an SEC school, meaning a school that holds sorority recruitment to the highest standard. While I'm sure all of your daughters are incredible women, recruitment is a daunting and EXHAUSTING process. 10-15 minutes at all 16 chapters during round 1 is no easy feat, and for PNMs sitting in the 100+ degree heat all day, having to then come inside and talk to a well-primped (and well-air conditioned) sorority woman is not an easy task. Ultimately, the women in these chapters know who will be a good fit for their chapter, and I'm saying that in the least cliched way possible. What good is joining a "top house" if you'll simply be miserable there? One final (less kind) comment, as a member of the PC during recruitment, we used to get quite a few calls from angry mothers who demanded we explain why their daughter had been released from recruitment. We mocked these calls to no end. Moms, your daughters are adults, capable of making their own decisions and fighting their own battles. UF is an incredible school with plenty of other amazing student orgs. Let her find her niche on her own.

By: Annoyed UF Alumna
by: Annoyed parentAug 31, 2014 11:46:59 AM

to annoyed UF Alumna, your comments ranged from sympathetic to immature. As a Mom, I am not here to fight my daughter's fight but I will express my opinion to a very dysfunctional process. If you can't see that there is a problem then that is on you. I promise you that one day you will if you go through this experience with your own daughter. Only then will you get it! Until then, please do not patronize the Moms here with stating how you "mocked" the calls from angry mothers. Shame on you for your comment. UF is an amazing school which is why I am so disappointed, like others, with the sorority rushing process. Don't insult us by saying how it is held to such high standards. Those standards are nothing more than a money game and beauty pageant. You see girlfriend, the Mom network is larger than what you think and a lot of "sisters" tell there Mother about the process. I know all about how in some houses it is already predetermined as to who the house wants and doesn't which is reflected by which direction they go to upon entering the house - to the left or to the right (I won't mention which house this is). My daughter will find her own niche on her own BUT I will support her in every step that she takes. A mother's love knows no bounds and is limitless!

By: Annoyed parent
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by: omgAug 31, 2014 12:30:03 PM

All these comments from moms make me want to go hug my own mom right now, thank god I never had to deal with this. Moms on this board, seriously find some hobbies, you sound like a bunch of psychos. And to Annoyed Parent, of course they're mocking your calls. They're busy making sure recruitment goes off without a hitch (they have recruitment down to a science, do you even know anything about the process?) the last thing they want to deal with is calls about why their precious little one got the boot. Recruitment is not fun for anyone, why make it worse for the people trying to facilitate it for those who DO find their place. In case you forgot, over 1,000 PNMs did get bids this year. There are plenty of moms out there who are THRILLED for their daughters. Sorry your daughter fell through the cracks, mistakes happen too, and if she truly wants to be in a chapter, there's always informal recruitment and next year's formal recruitment. Being in a sorority is not life or death, she'll be just fine without it for the time being.

By: omg
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#43  by: UF pan alum   
#43    

Well said!!

By: UF pan alum
#44  by: saddened….   
#44    

although the process hasn't changed in decades, that does not make it right. the problem arises when procedures are not followed or explained. for example, when recs (legacy or not) and submitted and "misplaced" resulting in a PNM not being invited back to next round, even though it was identified prior to parties.

By: saddened….
#45  by: you see   
#45    

my daughter quit recruitment because she pretty much got cut from most houses. I am on here looking for information about spring rush. However, all of these other moms….they are now playing the blame game. Its everyone else's fault their precious daughter did not get the gold ring or medal at the end. This is UF…survival of the fittest. If your daughter is bruised and damaged from THIS she does not belong at this type of competitive school. Take up gardening and get off this computer.

By: you see
by: to you seeSep 3, 2014 8:37:50 PM

You may live by the tough love analogy but I do not as well as many other Mom's out there. We don't have to. You are bitter and angry because your daughter got cut by her top choices and was too good for the remaining houses. Live by your own words and life advice. How's the gardening going?

By: to you see
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by: well...Oct 29, 2014 5:22:13 PM

some houses take legacy almost no matter what even though we do not think they fit in...and they are unwanted...Do you mom's really want your daughters's to be in a house that they are unwanted? I just do not get it...we have them in my house and they are honestly outcasts, for they do not fit in...Don't get me wrong...we treat the girls nicely, they get bigs, and included in the activities, but they really end up not being involved for they do not form the close bonds that other girls do...other sororities would have been a far better choice......If your daughter was dropped, it is not to be mean...there are just so many girls to choose from that fit the type of girls in each sisterhood

By: well...
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#46  by: Another SEC/UF mother   
#46    

Sorry to the mothers who feel the system is horrible. My daughter went through the exact same process as your daughters did this year. Is it rough? Yes. Is it fair? As much as possible. It is a mutual selection process. My daughter was upset when she got cut from a legacy group and other groups she had strong interest in. She got invited back to groups she had no interest in (they were on the bottom of her list and she was invited back and each time she was invited back it made it that much clearer to her that she did not fit there and she had no desire to join the system if it got to that point), one or two she had a lukewarm interest, and a place she felt comfortable from day one. As she returned to the lukewarm interest groups, she saw potential and at the comfortable group she remained comfortable. The process worked as it should because she saw it through to the end despite what cuts came her way. Allow your daughters to repeat the process next year with you and she both researching the process which is used by Panhellenic Councils throughout the country. The release figure method used by UF and many other SEC schools is a MUCH better system than say a bed quota system used by the Indiana University Panhellenic Council. The SEC Panhellenic sorority chapters are large. UF is pursuing expansion and is having Panhellenic organizations present to become possibly the 17th and 18th NPC sororities on campus. The first sorority(sororities) may colonize next fall.

By: Another SEC/UF mother
#47  by: Another SEC/UF mother   
#47    

The sorority which is chosen to colonize will have a spot on the round 1 to provide information on the sorority and will then "bow out" (for lack of better terminology until formal recruitment has ended. Ladies who are interested in affiliating/joining the new colony will then go through a process where the new sorority will pick its' founding members - whether it is done by alumnae, active members from chapters in close proximity or a combination - that is for the new sorority to decide. I envision it to be something like the local sorority DNZ or the two Christian sororities have a few weeks after fall formal recruitment for NPC sororities ends. Again, do your research. Keep an open mind through this process and support your daughter. Find alumnae of as many sororities as you can to write recommendations for your daughter. Encourage your daughter to get involved on campus (she will be going into recruitment as an upperclassmen not a newly graduated high school senior so she needs to continue to show interest/involvement/leadership) and keep her grades up. Each sorority has different requirements as to what a PNM must have and what they can get a variance/waiver on for a lady they really believe will bring something to their chapter. Chapters know what their strengths and weaknesses are so they also know precisely what type of skills they are looking for/will need. Do some sororities base their decisions on image/looks? Probably.

By: Another SEC/UF mother
#48  by: Another SEC/UF mother   
#48    

Is there a chapter at UF where your daughter will build friendships for life? Probably if you encourage her to LOOK at each chapter with an open mind, LISTEN to what each chapter has to offer her, THINK about where she will be most happy, SEE what she has to offer the chapter and THROW away the stereotypes, the rankings of the tier system on this site (and others like it), and any preconceived notions she/you/others have of where she should be. FOLLOW the process from start to finish even if that means after round 1 she only goes back to less than 5 chapters or the chapter she had her heart set on had to release her due to return figures. Support, encourage and be there for your daughter whether she chooses to become part of the UF Greek system or remains independent and finds her own niche.

By: Another SEC/UF mother
#49  by: One thing   
#49    

That needs to be revisited is that as the sororities are making decisions on which PNMs will be on their invitation list, the PNMs are ranking the groups in preferential order. Ranking wrong can really effect her results.

As someone pointed out in an earlier post, her daughter kept trying to "drop" some sororities but they kept appearing on her invitation list. This happened because Panhellenic tries to make sure each PNM has a full schedule, or as near to full as can be. If all the sororities that a PNM ranked first ask her back, those are the parties she will attend. If she can attend 10 parties and only received invitations from 8 of her #1 ranked groups, then the two next highest ranked groups will move up- if they invited her back. If they did not keep her on their lists, then the computer goes to the next choice, all the while trying to match her desires with the sororities invitation lists and a full schedule. But if the PNM is not realistic about where she would truly fit in, and ranks the sororities where she would be invited back low, they might pick up from her that she is not interested and not ask her back. After all, why waste an invitation on someone who is giving off vibes that she would rather be elsewhere?

By: One thing
#50  by: One thing   
#50    

If the PNM continues to return to all the parties she is invited back to thru the pref round and she lists each sorority where she attended prefs., she is considered to have maximized her options and she should receive a bid to one of the sororities she preffed. If she is invited to only two pref parties when she could have been invited to 3, she has still maxed HER options if she lists her two choices on her MRABA. Same with the PNM who only has one invitation. But it matters how she lists them. Let me use this analogy: say your daughter visited Harvard, UF, and UNF. What is her goal? Does she want to go to college ( be a sorority member) or is she only willing to attend certain colleges ( join only a top tier sorority) ? If she decides that it is top tier or nothing, then she has narrowed her choices and greatly restricted the odds that she will be successful. I mean, people do get into Harvard, but far more applicants don't get in. If she applies to Harvard and UF her chances have increased and if she adds UNF to the mix, then she has increased the likelihood that she will be accepted by one of them. If this were your daughter, and she only wanted Harvard and refused to go to college unless it was to Harvard, would you support her decision? I imagine few parents would. You all know that she will get a good education at any of of the 3. It will be different at each school but the end result is a college education and a degree. The same can be said for the sororities.

By: One thing

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