re: sorority rushing

Very well put. We live in an age where many people think everyone should get a trophy so feelings are not hurt. This does not prepare our children for what lies ahead. Life is full of disappointments. We need to embrace them and grow from them. Look to what is ahead, and not dwell on what now is in the past....

Mom's, I might agree with you if all factors were equal in the rushing process. I am fully aware that my daughter will have hardships and disappointments ahead in her life when she emerges into the working world. At least there, she'll be able to compete based on her resume, credentials, etc... My issue is that if your daughter isn't a "10" she never had a chance in the rushing process and especially with the "top tier" sororities. I know this to be true because I see the girls that are being selected around her. I never expected anything to be handed to my daughter but I also didn't expect her to be rejected because she doesn't fit the model mode. She'll get over it in time but I wouldn't wish this on anyone. What a way for her to start her college experience!

I really don't understand what you want here. The sororities have limited spots, there's tough competition. You keep saying your daughter got cut because she wasn't a "10" as if that was the only deciding factor. Trust me, there are many non-"10"s in the "top" sororities. And even if the sorority's only deciding factor was looks, than why are you so upset? wouldn't you rather your daughter not be in such a shallow group of friends? Basically, you know your daughter better than anyone else, and she may be as wonderful as you say here, but ultimately that didn't come through in the rush process and so she was cut. C'est la vie. There are plenty of great on-campus organizations at UF, your daughter will have the time of her life. Go gators.

I agree with you that I don't want my daughter in such a shallow environment. I never wanted her to rush to begin with. But now I am the one dealing with my daughter who is devastated. She's a smart girl who can rationalize all of this in her head but not yet in her heart. I know in time things will be fine but it's the NOW that concerns me. All of her friends got into different sororities but her so everyday will be a constant reminder. If you know a quick fix to helping her move forward, I welcome it.

Why doesn't she go out for Gamma Phi Beta? They are colonizing and it would be very special to be a founder.

All of the houses have pretty girls so shame on you for such comments. I agree if a girl doesn't select a house because of the tier rankings. However, I speak from personal experience when I tell you that every girl does not fit into every house. Should a girl accept a bid just to accept one?

Thank you. I feel for these girls, but the demands of their mothers are insane. Two more houses are being established to accommodate more numbers. These are SOCIAL organizations primarily. We rush based on who we get along with and can see ourselves bonding with, and that encompasses being ambitiously involved, well put together and cute, and mostly a good conversation and personality through their social media or connectictions. Referrals mean nothing to us in practice, sorry. A family friend in a different chapter does not mean that we are going to hit it off, so it doesn't affect my opinion. We cut gorgeous girls who seem standoffish, and charming girls who wear too much makeup. It's not purely superficial, but it's a quick and massive round of decisions, every time. The process is hard but nobody is intentionally "brutalizing" random girls, we're choosing girls we can see as sisters, and she's not one. Pi chi's put an immense amount of effort into the emotional well-being of the girls. You may think the conversations went well, and that's because we want everyone to feel that way. We work hard to be smooth, fluid, and super respectful of every girl coming through, even if we don't invite them back, and that's the way it should be. We want to be sweet and kind because we know the process is hard, but we don't owe anyone a bid. And if you didn't click at a house, weren't you still nice to them? And then to brutally withdraw, what a terrible process you put them through!

I also could care less if a house or a PNM wants to make a decision on looks, reputation with guys, etc. That's their prerogative, if a dumb one. What upsets me are people on their high horse who can't acknowledge that "not a right fit" runs both ways.

Everyone can sit and judge all they want. My daughter was completely cut. Don't sit and tell me that you truly accessed all her attributes and what she could contribute to your house in a minimal interview. I don't believe it. In addition, she also had reference letters from alumni sent on her behalf from those who truly knew here and thought she would be a good fit. I don't care what tier any of the sororities are or are not. The rushing process is biased and not reflective of the responses that I have read. I wish it was but it's not.

from those who knew "her"

I take offense to your comment. My daughter is beautiful on the inside and out...and may be a Barbie Doll" in your eyes and you say it in a negative way towards my daughter....

God gives everyone gift...some were a more attractive appearance in societies view, some have higher IQ's, Some have more athletic ability and get scholarships, some are smooth talkers....ect. You use what you are given to make the most of every circumstance....

In different situations, different attributes are more relevant...it is just the way the world works.....

You will interpret my words as you choose. My daughter's friends do look like Barbie dolls and I love them. They're the total package. My issue is with the rushing process and the emphasis placed on the girls with the Barbie looks when there is no substance behind the looks. They don't have the criteria that the Sororities claim to look for. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.

I agree with you Wow that life isn't fair. I am not one of those mothers who believe their child is the end all and great at all things. I do know many mothers like that though. I am a realist. I know my children's strengths and weaknesses. I also know that if we choose to remain silent and passive then nothing will ever change. Complacency only teaches you to accept more of life's disappointments. I believe that when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. I hope that all mothers express their sentiments to the UF Panhellenic council. I intend to do so.

To Hello. Thanks for your words and story. I'm anxious to hear how things turn out for your daughter. I'm hopeful my daughter gets the right mindset and let's all of this go without it changing her. My immediate concern is that it looks like her friend group are all getting in. How did you deal? Do you recommend that she tries again in the Spring? Is it easier once she has been on campus and meets people? I'll support her no matter what she decides.

Just so you know only a couple of the houses do spring recruitment...it is generally very small

To Hi. Do you know how many sororities and which ones do Spring Rush? My daughter wanted to wait a semester until rushing. We have no clue to the process or anything else. I have been reading all the comments and now have doubts.

Agree with hello. We can't control how things work but should encourage our children to turn a negative experience to a positive one. How else will they grow up to be a happy matured individuals and great moms one day? I have a daughter who was as nervous and stressed as other PNM , called me up after every house she visited from day 1 til the bus ride on bid day, supported and listened but deep inside nervous like her. She opened that envelope, stared at her card in bewilderment . went on the bus , took a pic width her new sis and house.. At the end of the day, I asked her "are you ok?" She said " yes and I will know after 6 weeks. I will try. I am looking forward to my next chapter .. Being a Greek and part of UF is such as a blessing." Told her pray and thank God for all your blessings. She may not have gotten what she wanted but she described her ride as amazing. She is not " Barbie" but we always believed that we are all beautiful beautiful barbies inside and out. We should not judge others but lift them through difficult times.

Agree with hello. We can't control how things work but should encourage our children to turn a negative experience to a positive one. How else will they grow up to be a happy matured individuals and great moms one day? I have a daughter who was as nervous and stressed as other PNM , called me up after every house she visited from day 1 til the bus ride on bid day, supported and listened but deep inside nervous like her. She opened that envelope, stared at her card in bewilderment . went on the bus , took a pic width her new sis and house.. At the end of the day, I asked her "are you ok?" She said " yes and I will know after 6 weeks. I will try. I am looking forward to my next chapter .. Being a Greek and part of UF is such as a blessing." Told her pray and thank God for all your blessings. She may not have gotten what she wanted but she described her ride as amazing. She is not " Barbie" but we always believed that we are all beautiful beautiful barbies inside and out. We should not judge others but lift them through difficult times.

Agree with hello. We can't control how things work but should encourage our children to turn a negative experience to a positive one. How else will they grow up to be a happy matured individuals and great moms one day? I have a daughter who was as nervous and stressed as other PNM , called me up after every house she visited from day 1 til the bus ride on bid day, supported and listened but deep inside nervous like her. She opened that envelope, stared at her card in bewilderment . went on the bus , took a pic width her new sis and house.. At the end of the day, I asked her "are you ok?" She said " yes and I will know after 6 weeks. I will try. I am looking forward to my next chapter .. Being a Greek and part of UF is such as a blessing." Told her pray and thank God for all your blessings. She may not have gotten what she wanted but she described her ride as amazing. She is not " Barbie" but we always believed that we are all beautiful beautiful barbies inside and out. We should not judge others but lift them through difficult times.

Agree with hello. We can't control how things work but should encourage our children to turn a negative experience to a positive one. How else will they grow up to be a happy matured individuals and great moms one day? I have a daughter who was as nervous and stressed as other PNM , called me up after every house she visited from day 1 til the bus ride on bid day, supported and listened but deep inside nervous like her. She opened that envelope, stared at her card in bewilderment . went on the bus , took a pic width her new sis and house.. At the end of the day, I asked her "are you ok?" She said " yes and I will know after 6 weeks. I will try. I am looking forward to my next chapter .. Being a Greek and part of UF is such as a blessing." Told her pray and thank God for all your blessings. She may not have gotten what she wanted but she described her ride as amazing. She is not " Barbie" but we always believed that we are all beautiful beautiful barbies inside and out. We should not judge others but lift them through difficult times.