Phi Delt Capital Partners

Bro, we just structured an opportunistic real estate LBO with a highly levered capital stack, taking advantage of Theta Chi’s distressed asset pricing inefficiency. The NPV of cash inflows barely covers our debt service coverage ratio (DSCR), but we’re offsetting risk with a structured seller financing tranche and an alumni-driven capital injection.

The underwriting assumes a compounding keg yield (CKY) of at least 3 cases per pledge per semester, with a mean-reverting risk-adjusted occupancy rate. Exit strategy? Refi at a sub-6% cap, deleverage, and roll equity into a broader house expansion fund.

Basically, Theta Chi’s about to get PE’d into oblivion, and we’ll be holding court in their old crib like it’s a hostile takeover.