Beta Measuring Contest

I was really excited to rush beta this semester as I have seen the amazing work they do when they destroy the boat in their yard and I think it would be so fun to just totally smash that thing. However, when I went to their first open house it was just me and 3 other guys. The other 3 were really cute so I got a little nervous that they wouldn’t like me because of my below average appearances. It turns out that’s not what they care about at all, because the instant I bit into my first bite of free open house pizza I was rushed into their basement and a man that they all referred to as “the keeper of measurements” came out and demanded we all pull down our pants and let our weanies all hang out in the open. He then proceeded to take extensive measurements of our packages, starting from the scrotum and wrapping around to assure he got our entire girths down to the millimeter. Let’s just say I got a bid, because even though my attractiveness might not be in the 8 or 9 range something else sure is. See you soon ladies of Pi Phi!!!