Frat Descriptions: A Thread

Beta- Circus clowns of fraternity row. Can't function without a serious bowl rip. Daddliest of the dad bods. Maybe it's from all that Betaraid we drink, maybe it's from that 2nd string Offensive Lineman gig back in the HS days. "Yeah bro honestly I easily could've gone D3 bro, but I just wanted to get lit in college with the boyyysss aha aha ahaha"

Asig- "Just smashed a 3 from Chi O bro, lets goooo!" Some call us the basement floor, but I'd like to think of us as more of a 1st floor hotel lobby. You know, cause we're very warm and welcoming and open. Nice guys sometimes finish first, you know!! "Yo Pres, lemme hop on that frat OnlyFans account! I think we might have some leftover dues money!"

PiKapp- They say alcohol kills brain cells, but what if there's no brain cells left to kill?? Enter The PiKapp. All fired up for the big tailgate, boutta get blacked for the 6th time this week and make Barstool's front page. Our house stinks, probably because we've pissed and pulled trig in every single corner. Out here till 6am of dawn downing 100-proof tequila like its bottled water. These guys probably can't even tell the difference. Their risk management team should honestly be a full-time job with 401k and healthcare benefits.

Phi Delt- 'Who do you know here!??' type of bois. Hittin' the gym Sat morning for a thicc ass chest pump right before the big pool party. Boutta pull up in my smokin' hot Vineyard Vines crop top and bright yellow-orange Chubbies with a 6-inch inseam that barely covers half my crotch. Just wait till the ladies see these imaginary lats kickin' in full swing. We take more things up our nose than through our stomachs. "Yo toss me some smelling salts bro, I need me a whiff!"

SAE- The name's Chadilingus Jr. III. Totally would've gotten into Harvard and Wharton if it weren't for affirmative action. Tanning our skin so much we make the Hispanic frat look white. My dad's a lawyer, unless I'm in Key West and end up with seventeen felonies, now I no longer have a dad. Maybe the deans can bail me out this time?? "Alexa search the web for 'How to collect payments on your dad's trust fund from a jail cell". That's all. Chad out.

Sig Chi- U Miami's premier Sylvester Stallone Look-Alike Club. Not only do we all look like him, but we all talk like him too. "OUHHOEHEHEOU!!!!" And, funny enough, just like Stallone, our allegations magically disappear when we whip out our wallets in the courtroom. Our gatherings are all Jersey Shore scenes but without the cameras. That explains why every girl at our parties looks like a washed-up Snooki straight outta Bergen County, New Jaawwsey. Lowest GPA on campus. Doesn't matter though, we're gone for now. Does that make our allegations disappear too??

Pike- Yo Yo Yo Boys just copped my virtual bid card on Microsoft Outlook!! Rush chair out, hml for a free bid straight to the inbox. Best sorority on campus, what can we say. Been on the rise since we came out the womb. We throwin a banger up on San Amaro, be there or be square. If the cops come, just head on upstairs. But knock first, since we might be having our weekly circle-jerk sessio--- I mean our big-little reveal!!! My ~biggie~ said he might even surprise me with some candy and flowers and starbucks and a 'lil kissie on the forehead :')

SigEp- Why own a frat house when you can just buy out the SLS Brickell with overseas oil money?? Type of bois to stick the airplane emoji on their IG bios with some words like "Public Figure" or "Entrepreneur" written below their follower count of 600. But hey, anything for the flex, papi chulo. "It's not a pyramid scheme bro, I swear bro, it's called Multi-Level Marketing bro look it up, I'm being my own boss. Only needed a small loan of $7 million from the family trust. #entre #pre #neur."

Sammy- "Mess with one of us, mess with all 22 and a half of us." Better hope you took Chem 201 to know what the hell's going in your drink, or else you're in for an unforgettable night. Or maybe forgettable, depending on the substance. Boys send it so hard our average life expectancy is probably somewhere in the mid-40s. But hey, no shame, no judging, you're only at this school for 4 years. Might as well make 'em count.

Lambda- Can't really say anything here, otherwise all 7 of them and their 1 groupie are gonna come for me. Nice TikTok page though, hope y'all go viral with a Renegade twerk or something. Maybe then we'll have two IFC sororities on campus!

Had to bump this. Whoever wrote these, they’re all spot on and perfect