fall 1876 frat/sorority rankings

Lambda: First fraternity established... mostly inhale ether amongst themselves
KDR: Been rumored to let their maidens lie with other men
SPE: These gentlemen have large rapiers
TKE: A gypsy woman wanders market street muttering of their demise...

AXO/Kappa: Fine ladies with child bearing hips, many come from families of industry barons... hard to please but have large dowries
Chi O: These women can plow a field faster than an ox, with the libido twice as high! (Will do anything for one straw penny)
Theta: Neither have dowries nor strength of ox... wenches in the utmost sense
Delta Gamma: Can beat an egg, but won't beat your gentleman's sausage. Well-suited for wifehood (with a ChiOx on the side!)