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Poster Name:
The deal

Poster Message:
here are the facts: There's a very low likelihood that you will get a bid to a "Mississippi" house if you're OOS without any connections. But it has happened before. It's not impossible. That's how some houses keep improving and some slide further down - those who adapt to the influx of high quality OOS PNMs will take a hard look at them when they meet them, because who knows who might surprise you in person. Those houses who don't do this are destined to only take their friends and miss out on great girls. So your chances aren't great, but rush is "never say never." ALSO with RFM/variable quota especially, these houses have no room for inviting PNMs back who they don't seriously consider. If you're being invited back, they like you. The "lying" part comes in three ways: 1. They're just being polite. Houses want to keep their return rates high so they're going to make everyone feel loved and special and welcome. This is not them "lying" to you, it's called being hospitable. If you went on a date and didn't click with the guy, you'd still be nice to him because that's the nice thing to do, even if you know you won't go out again. 2. They really do like you, but they're only one person in a house of hundreds. This is where connections become very important. If you have connections, you have more girls pulling for you when "top" houses have to make sweeping cuts. An active you talk to might think you're absolutely amazing, but she only gets one vote. So if you two really click, it doesn't mean she misled you if you get cut, it means she couldn't swing getting you an invite back. And that's also why it's extremely important to realize that no one active can promise you anything or tell you any sole reason why you weren't invited back. They likely don't know why and can't tell you if you ask. 3. They actually are lying. Like the previous point, no one sister has total rule over who gets invited back, so if anyone says "order your pin now, you're going to need it because your bid card's already signed" do NOT believe them. Maybe they really do love you, maybe they're just trying to beef up their numbers, but NO ONE can promise you a bid in rush. This applies to informal/COB as well. I was on COB committee for my house a few years ago and went on a coffee date with a PNM who was recommended by a sister, and this PNM didn't make it past our first round. Them being BFFs didn't make a difference, and when the sister directly asked me about it later, there was nothing I could tell her because the decision wasn't entirely up to me, part of it was factors I have no say over, like GPA. But that's part of being in a sisterhood; you have to trust that your sisters have the chapter's best interest in mind when scoring PNMs. TL;DR no one is lying to you, if you made it this far with a house they likely really do like you, and even if someone tells you not to get your hopes up, just do your best and accept whatever bid you get with dignity and grace.